I wrote not long ago about the importance of not compromising when planning a wedding. I still believe that. But a story I heard just last week has made me reconsider taking too firm a stand about some wedding plans. This is a true story, although I have no idea about the location of the wedding nor do I know the names of the bride and groom.

This bride and groom selected their own music for the wedding celebration and for the wedding reception. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I believe every couple should plan their own wedding so that it is meaningful to them, and so that the memories are pleasant ones. The wedding should not fulfill the hopes and dreams of anyone other than the couple being married.

In this case, however, there were quite a few middle-aged and elderly guests at the wedding and reception. For reasons unknown, once people reach a certain age they tend to arrive at events and celebrations a bit early. This group was quite typical that way, and for a long time before the bride and bridesmaids were ready to proceed to the front of the church, their ears were assaulted with loud, and unrecognizable (to them) music. Perhaps adding a few traditional wedding tunes might have been wise.

After the wedding was over and the guests tossed birdseed at the bride and groom, everyone proceeded on to the reception. As the guests arrived, they heard more loud music. In fact, from the parking lot they also heard the loud “thumping” of the bass. Some guests were tempted to leave before they even entered the reception hall, knowing that the music would go on and on for hours. They just knew that by the end of the evening, they would have terrible headaches from the loud, booming music.

The bride and groom had done nothing wrong in choosing the band and music they wanted for their wedding. However, they probably should have asked the band to tone it down a notch or two, since the room that they rented for their reception was not really that big. Interspersed between the songs they had requested of the band, it might have been a kind gesture to the guests to have also asked for a few calmer and slower tunes so that some of the “older folks” could have danced.

I still stand behind my words from another article about weddings where I stated, in Whose Day Is It?

” Weddings are the strangest events. So much prior planning takes place, then the wedding itself is finished almost in the blink of an eye. That’s why, if you are to remember anything about those vows that take no time to voice, it is important that the day be entirely yours. That means not giving in to friends and relatives whose ideas do not line up with your own. That means having the foods you want and the location you want. That means not compromising.”

However, perhaps the real mark of a mature individual would be to show kindness and empathy to those guests whose ears could not handle hours of loud and fast music. Perhaps there is a reason why some tunes have become known as “traditional” wedding repertoire.